Often when I ask a submissive; what is your secret fantasy aka fetish? They are caught off guard and simply don’t know what to say. Maybe it is because they really haven’t given that much thought to it and that’s not surprising.
In today’s society, we are all aware that some people like to dress-up in leather or latex and adorn pink hair and other assorted accessories. And there are some people that just like doing ‘strange things’ to each other, or themselves, and enjoy what is call a ‘fetish’. Is it all really as strange as it seems?
In psychological terms a ‘fetish’ is an object, or part of the body, that becomes the focus of sexual desire, without which the fetishist cannot achieve orgasm. Most people today will use the, blanket term, fetish to mean any general sexual turn-on. Though some people are readily willing to admit they have a ‘leather fetish’ they don’t mean that they cannot function sexually without it. Perhaps, it’s that they find it very sensually pleasing to the senses, and they like to incorporate it into their lifestyle and sexual play just to add that extra erotic sizzle.
Not sure what your fetish is? Not to worry, a quick trip around the Internet will introduce you to fetishes you had no idea even existed. Almost anything from the usual objects and body parts such as stiletto heels, feet, lingerie and stockings to the more bizarre like being used as an ashtray, to sneezing and superhero fetishes, can be found.
Though the Internet offers a lot of incite into the world of fetish there are few, if any, fetishes that are truly original. Though some fetishes seem more acceptable and less shocking then others; on the Internet and during phone sex there is little or no restraints put on what can or cannot be discussed. Is it any wonder that many hard-core fetishists use the net to share their particular ‘kink’ with others who share their passion and interests?
What might come as a surprise to some, is that fetishists come from all walks of life. Though their backgrounds and ethnic origin may be different fetishists can be found in all classes and professions. Indeed, most come from a long list of professionals. I remember a complete week where, after a particularly engaging event, I could no longer look at my pharmacist, or my accountant without wondering if they have a fetish. Of course my answer to that is if your not sure if you have one. Get one right away. They are a hell of a lot of fun!
Often when fetishists get together it is in what David Stein, in 1984, coined as a safe, sane and consensual environment. Meaning; that though some fetish practices may seem extreme and often dangerous, those that participate are usually consenting adults who chose to have these sexual experiences, in an environment that is safe; where protocols and boundaries are set in place and respected.
Fetishes are a by product of many complex genetic, cultural and social factors, often experienced or learned threw out a persons childhood and puberty. In the same way that ‘vanilla/straight’ people have no control over their sexual preferences, the same is true for a true fetishist. Many can not even tell you why the sight of a well manicured foot, for example, is such a huge turn on for them. It just is.
Problems only arise when a fetishist is unable to control their desires or tries to force someone else into doing something against their will. But these same problematic issues can surface in a ‘normal sex life too. This has more to do with a participants emotional and mental state than their sexuality.
Many people find it is not as hard as they assumed to engage, their otherwise, straight partners in their fetish and often find it easy to incorporate it into their lifestyle and sexual relationships. The key to a successful experience is trust, a willingness to be open, and a mutual respect for the relationship.
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